finding the beauty in life

Monday, October 26, 2015


I never thought that I would be the kind of person to say "(insert year here) was my year", but as I sit here and think back, "2009 was definitely my year".  There was so much peace, strength, and ambition in that year for me. In 2009 I was a 19 year old who was extremely driven to succeed in the world, there was abosultely nothing in my mind that I could not do, if i put my mind to it. The world was my oyster and boy did I take advantage of it. I applied to my "dream" university and got in, I worked my butt off, at a job that I loved and I spent time with the most amazing girlfriends that a girl could ask for. If I could sum up what I was feeling during this time period it was a feeling of, " I CAN", it didnt matter what obstacles I faced, 2009 was the year that I CAN NOT was not in my vocabulary, and I CAN ruled my world.  Anxiety has defnitely lead me to be more of an I CAN NOT person, every goal, every ambition, and every thought is plagued with I CAN NOT. I must say I miss the peace of I CAN, there is something so peaceful about believing in yourself no matter what, while the torment of I CAN NOT seems to be a plague, a black cloud that seems to follow you no matter what you do. As the date of my appointment at a specialized anxiety clinic fastly approaches, my hope is that the peace, ambition, and strength of I CAN, will once again be a significant part of my life. 


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